Take 5 #008

-1-

My boys are in love with “Pants on the ground.” They especially like to change up the lyrics for different situations and subject matters. My favorite adaptation is:

♫ …Boobies on the ground – Boobies on the ground

Lookin like a grandma w/ your boobies on the ground

Pants hiked up – dentures in yo’ mouth

Looking like a grandma w/ your boobies on the ground … ♫

Only my kids…

-2-

While sitting in the ophthalmologist’s office waiting for his appointment, Colby was browsing a catalogue to kill time.

“Why do they put these glasses on hot chicks? ‘Cause you know when a girl gets glasses… she don’t EVEN look this hot.”

-3-

WARNING: May cause SEVERE but TEMPORARY eye injury.

This I read on the dog’s shampoo bottle – as we are bathing him…

-4-

I adore reading, but I have trouble concentrating on useless notices my kids bring in from school. It seems even though they email 99% of notices in this modern era, they just can’t help themselves and must print out gibberish for parents to read. Most of it is indeed garbage; but imagine my plight when the Sasquatch brought in a 12pager. Ah yeah, 12 pages of information that I actually need to read. My brain hurts just thinking about it.

-5-

Ready for spring … just as soon as I lose this 5lbs… again.

The Sasquatch turns 17

Monkey's First Orchestra Concert

The OMS Beginning Orchestra performed Shortnin' Bread, Bridge to MacDonald's, French Folk Song, & Bile 'em Cabbage Down, all in traditional arrangements; and First Scale March.

They did pretty awesome for their first time playing collectively as a whole. It actually sounded like music! I recorded Bridge to MacDonald's for all of you grandparents -but I'm having difficulty uploading the strip. Hopefully I can get it up soon.

This photo was taken prior to the performance while Monkey was warming up.

When You Got It - You got It

Forget baseball, football, and soccer. Forget the chess club, the Lego club, and improv. My boy is into fencing – and he’s a natural. On January 23rd, Colby attended his first fencing tournament with no more than a dozen training sessions under his belt and ranked 5^th in a base pool of 32 for tournament match ups.

The coach has raved about him since the beginning of the year when he first joined the club. Colby’s reflexes are so insanely quick he is fencing against seasoned fencers and winning. So, for all the family who’ve criticized his gaming over the years – b o o y a h - but we love you anyway!

He won his first round 15-10 over Anthony:

And lost 15-12 in the second - to this crazy ninja fella.

He was complemented repeatedly by every judge he came across on his natural fencing skills (They couldn't believe it was his first tournament!), and placed 11^th overall for the tournament – which qualifies him for the CHAMPIONSHIPS! He’s so stoked!!

Sho'nuff Funny

Over MLK weekend, my brother and sister (and their families) came for a visit; and since January is monsoon season here in Georgia, we rented a couple of movies to help entertain us - one of them being Paranormal Activity.

Horror movies really aren't my thing. However, the sasquatch absolutely adores them and monkey has recently shown interest in them; so I watch them to monitor what's seen and lay down the law on what they're exposed to. So to have my prescreen viewing, we threw all the kids down in the dungeon game room, and the adults curled up for some horror time.

I was completely chagrined the moment the movie started. To say that it was a low budget flick would be kind and the directing was really quite sad. Unfortunately, since we were entertaining, the Franklins could not evoke our 15 minute rule. This rule states should a movie be so impossibly frustrating, boring, stupid, or deplorable we shall not waste 2 hours of our lives on said movie. So I hunkered down & prepared to have the life sucked out of me.

During the course of the movie, which really didn't turn out to be all that bad (I say this because I know it could have been so much worse-- because... I have seen the Grudge) I decided this was in no way a movie Isaiah could see. He for sure would have his 12 year old booty in the bed with us for eternity.

Never have I been so certain I made the right decision as I was the following day.

Company was gone, Colby had gone to his girlfriend’s house, and Lee and I were watching TV when Izzy came flying out of the bathroom with his pants down - quite flustered- saying "I was wiping (my behind) and I heard someone in the bathroom say my name!"

Now he walks around w/ his head lamp and a baseball bat… just in case.

Take 5 #007

-1-

Complete concentration and lengthy mundane tasks require that I lick my lips incessantly. Consequently, me and Blistex are like peas and carrots.

-2-

I'm currently trying to teach my obnoxious mongrels (who are 16 and 12) that their faces will indeed NOT melt off if they actually smile for the camera... It's like having 2-year-olds all over again. Perhaps I should break out with the feather dusters and tickle their cheeks.

-3-

I've watched no less than a hundred International House Hunters lately for no other reason than extreme boredom. *Exaggeration is key when you're bored*. It's quite educational, and I must say I'm extremely happy and blessed to be living in the US - where refrigerators are the size of small cars and the potty closets are bigger than a shoe box.

-4-

Sometimes, I tend to think that I've trained the men of my house well - then I go into the kitchen and find 3 empty doughnut boxes and I discover just how delusional I can be. This dilemma also extends to cracker boxes, potato chip bags, cookie packages, and lunch meat wrappers. I haven't quite figured out how to master this problem yet; thankfully I have about a year before my oldest is college-able (<--- that's a made up word by the way - right off the cuff). Maybe he'll understand 'rubbish dynamics' by then.

-5-

I am by no means an uber tech savvy individual. I email, I text, I facebook, I tweet, I game, and I'm a down right shutter-bug; but when it comes to actually making stuff work on the PC, I'm just doing good to remember where the power button is. This isn't to say that I can't be taught, only that I do not wish to expel the energy required to accomplish more serious tasks. So it was really no shock to my husband when I shared with him that I managed to completely obliterate my blog over the past two days trying to change the background.

My goal was to achieve a less 'crafty' appearance on my blog. Let's face it, those who know me know the scrapbook look just really isn't me - nor are the generic templates offered to start one off. Therefore, blogger background domination now sits at the top of my to-do list, and I'll conquer it... as soon as my brain recovers.

Breakfast Humor

Monkey and I were sitting down at breakfast this morning and I was staring off in deep thought. Isaiah tentatively touched my arm –

“Are you ok?” he asked.

My attention turned back to him

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something.”

“You look violent when you’re thinking hard.”

...

Take 5 #006

-1-

The boys keep stealing pencils off my desk instead of fetching new ones from the school supply box when they need them. However, I think I have masterminded a new defense.

-2-

Why is it when you go to a restaurant and order water they give you like a 3 oz cup? It’s like just because you ordered water your not thirsty. I like water; I drink it 99% of the time; and when I eat, I drink a lot. I did discover, however, most establishments are happy to give you a larger cup for a small fee of like 75 cents - perhaps a dollar. But that sure beats getting up 20 times for refills – no matter how much exercise you need.

-3-

Lee and I went shopping one cold winter day not long ago. The thermostat in our car has issues – has for years. We’ve tried to have it seen about and no one can find the problem, so Lee has rigged the system to where it at least functions. This leaves us with two temp settings – frostbite & melt. I know, I know, it’s archaic; but bear in mind we’ve not had a car payment going on 5 years now, and that my friend is one sweet feelin’.

Anyhow – when you are set to melt, heat blows right off the heater core; so if you want to be warm AND breathe while you’re driving around in the winter, you simply must crack the windows. So, here we are coasting down the road around 45mph, enjoying our date day, talking about what we are going to eat for lunch and what stores we can’t survive without visiting… SUV beside us drives through a huge puddle of water… water splashes through my 1.5 inch crack and lands right on my face. Only in my world folks – only in my world.

-4-

I absolutely hate it when I purchase something and then hide it from myself. My latest item is a tube of lip gloss. Usually it’s something arbitrary like safety pins or batteries, but lip gloss? /sigh

-5-

We’ve lived in Gwinnett County for going on 10 years now; and you can bet if there’s inclement weather, you won’t know if the county is closing before you go to bed. I was up ‘till midnight last night. Every county surrounding Gwinnett had announced they were closing – not Gwinnett. They finally decided to post their closing around 4:30am. In truth; today, the weather and the roads are much better than during the ice storm of 2005 when they refused to close the schools. But who’s keeping track?

Pics from snow dusting 01-08-10

Pics from Ice Storm -Nov 2005

no power - no heat - for roughly 15hrs

Celebrating Milestones

It’s been a hectic and bizarre couple of months, but my Granddaddy made it to 90! He has his good days as well as some bad. We were fortunate enough to catch him having a good day on his birthday and were able to truly celebrate his milestone. Ever the jokester, he tried to put his candle out with his finger when he couldn’t blow it out and made sure I snapped a picture of him trying on his girlfriend’s gift. Thank you to all of you who have held him up in prayer!

This was as far as he got with the sweater.

New Years Resolutions

Typically, I don't make them. By the time the holiday season is over, all I basically want to do is lie on the couch like a slug for -oh- let’s say a week or two. The last thing I want to do is think about making any type of commitment. I do, however, continually set new goals for myself throughout the year and have a general stick-to-it-tiveness (that’s tenacity for all you educated individuals who strive to use big words) to see them through.

That said, I decided after doing my morning reading of current events that I would try and not let people irritate me anymore when they say asinine things. It’s either that or let the sarcasm start flying. Whether or not the timing of this makes it a “resolution” …/shrugs… who knows. I’m just trying to prevent spontaneous combustion.

Project-Mania

Whenever Colby has a project for school, Lee and I have to rein ourselves in and not actually do the project for him. I suppose that makes both of us extreme dorks, but we’re cool dorks, so that’s really all that matters. “Our” latest projects hit us both at the same time.

Physics wanted a raw egg to survive from a 25’ drop with no packing material and extremely restrictive size and weight constraints. With the demise of several eggs from various techniques, this contraption won out.

Sure, there are simpler designs; but that’s not how we roll in this house. The more complicated we get, the smarter we feel. If it had a name, I couldn’t tell you what it was – but it’s made of wire hangers, pipe cleaners, and loads of duct tape.

Test runs were hilarious simply because Colby doesn’t know how to use a ladder. He’d climb onto the ladder on the deck and perform the experiment, then forget he was on the top rung of the ladder and step off… the first time I freaked out, checking to see if he was ok – the second time I was rolling in the floor laughing. I know – I’m a horrible parent. But trust me, I’m laughing with him, not at him.

The project was a success. Somehow the egg escaped the 1,000,001 pipe cleaners and rolled out onto the ground, but it didn’t crack. He was stoked.

At the same time, LA wanted an independent reading project to which Colby chose to do a Trivial Pursuit Style game on a 12 book series – can we say “just like mom”? I had visions of what his final product would look like – since it involved pc graphics I was all over it. Then I came back to reality and realized no teacher would believe he’d done his own project. So I stepped aside.

He worked on it constantly for a week and did an awesome job. He came up with 300 questions – worked on his cards – made his game pieces… We tried to convince the teacher he needed 3000 points because he worked so diligently, and it was after all on an entire series. She didn’t fall for it. But he did rake in 105 points for it and it counted as 2 grades. He was a happy camper.

Truly Thankful

I absolutely love my Granddaddy. He's my last surviving grandparent. He’ll be 90 in January and has always been a tough old bird. He’s as smart and sassy as they come and his favorite things in life are ballroom dancing, cranberry juice, and playing the nickel slots. He still drives to Philadelphia, MS on occasion just to gamble – so watch out if you’re on that stretch of highway.

Since we have lived in Atlanta, I try to see him on his birthday and occasionally get to see him on the side when we make it down to visit. Since we generally only make it down about 3 times a year – this is tough. We usually get berated, albeit underhandedly by some family, for not stopping by when we’re in town. But the truth of the matter is you just can’t fit in everyone on one weekend visit.

On November 3 this year, we received a call that my grandfather was in the hospital. He’d been ill for a month, and we weren’t made aware of the situation. I was torn about whether or not to make a trip to Columbus to check him out. After briefly chatting with him on the phone the next day, I headed straight down to find my usually smooth and suave grandfather, with the quick wit of a much younger man, looking absolutely horrible and quite disoriented.

His ailment – a gangrenous gallbladder. Trust me; it looks even more hideous than it sounds. Photos from the surgery the following day showed portions of his gallbladder were black with decay. In fact, putrid would be a good adjective. I can’t imagine the pain he suffered. The surgery, however, was the easy part. Recovery was another story.

Though I remained positive about his small successes; the next week was extremely rough. I sat with him every day, feeding him, watching his mind go in and out, and playing watchdog because not every nurse does what he/she should. It seems for every good nurse there’s at least three that are just asking for you to take ‘em out.

Seven days after his surgery he was finally transferred back to Spring Harbor, a retirement community that aids with fulltime care if needed. He’s been a resident here for several years and the staff is crazy about him. Because I knew he would receive much better care, I came home to recover and to see my boys.

The following days were a struggle for my granddaddy. On November 19, things were looking so bleak it didn’t look like he would make it. We were told it would be just days. He was nearly impossible to rouse, all his blood work was off, and when he was conscious he was hallucinating. So we left that weekend preparing for the worst.

Then, out of the blue, things turned around. I’ll never forget walking into his room, leaning over his sleeping body, laying my hands on his chest, watching his baby blues pop open, and hearing him say “Heeeeeey there!” I almost cried.

As Thanksgiving week rolled on he got stronger and stronger. I was SO excited when I saw him pick up his water for the first time since his surgery (20 days!) and drink from a straw then pick up a banana and eat it by his self. By the time the weekend came around he was strong enough to walk to the door with aid of a walker and his wit could roll with the best of ‘em.

We saw a good bit of family on our visit home, and I never once thought to pull out my camera and take a picture. I was kind of bummed about it on the way home since I’m a photo nut, and we only see some family every few years. But then I realized that the one picture I really wanted for Thanksgiving I already had. I took it 4 days before Thanksgiving with my phone – My granddaddy on the mend.

Picnics

I was so excited we finally got to take the family on a picnic I couldn't stand it. They have no idea how giddy this makes me, or we’d do it more often. Beautiful crisp day; sitting on the Chattahoochee river bank enjoying their fried chicken, mac & cheese, black-eyed peas, and rolls – makes this mama’s heart smile. This is about 200 yards from the Lanier damn and the water is so clear it’s ridiculous – the difference between here and home is really amazing. After lunch we headed out on a hike. It was a new trail for the kids, so they were entertained. Good Times!

37 Candles

In celebration of my dust collecting, my hero took the day off from work and took me hiking and fishing.

Colby got me new pair of boots

Izzy got me a down vest – yes, he’s still attached to this outfit right now.

Lee got me a Wii Fit Board – which I absolutely love because it thinks I’m 28!

I don’t like cake – so Lee always makes me brownies. This year he surprised me with these cute little candies that say Happy Birthday. It’s the little things like this that make me fall in love with him all over again. So here I am, one step closer to 40 and loving it. The aging I can do without, but I’m crazy about my kids, my hero, my life and my Jesus. I’m blessed!

Take 5 #005

-1-

I had to go in for some blood work for my routine 3 month visit to the Rheumatologist. Of course I had pushed it to the last possible minute; because I am, after all, a procrastinator. So there I was ready to walk out the door and I couldn’t find my car keys. I looked everywhere and started to go into panic mode.

I ran downstairs looked around my desk, then ran up stair checked the upstairs desk, my nightstand, my dresser, the chest, the kitchen, my purses, my jacket pockets, my gym bag – nothing. I made this cycle approximately 15 times: up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs, down the stairs, for about 20 minutes. Then I noticed my keys were in my pants pocket. What makes this so ridiculous? When I tuck my keys into my pocket, I leave half the keys hanging out… so they jingle when I walk…

-2-

Whilst in the garage last week hanging neon green spider webs with a 3lb metal construction staple-gun for our Halloween Shindig, I had to climb the ladder 5000 times – inching it across the floor little by little as I made progress. Unfortunately, I forgot the stapler was on top of the ladder when I went to move it and the stapler came crashing down on my head.

I stood there for a moment in shock with my hands on my head, essentially waiting to pass out. When I realized I wasn’t going to hit the floor, I thought to myself Hmmm – doesn’t really hurt at all; so my plan was to continue onward with my task. That’s when I noticed blood on my hands. Super, I thought, now I get to drive one-handed to urgent care looking like a dork holding a cloth on my head. And then they’ll have to shave my head for stitches …making me TRULY look like a dork…

As luck would have it, I was able to stop the bleeding with pressure. No complaints from me on that one. What I did find absurdly pleasant about this entire incident was it wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Migraines are so much worse, I’d much rather be hit in the head. So bring it on, staple-gun.

-3-

Lee was on a call from work; so to kill time, I decided to channel surf and came across Housewives of Atlanta. I’d never seen the show before, but several facebook friends mentioned they make time for it – I wished I had not. That’s one bizarre show – with some women in desperate need of attention. Just proves money doesn’t buy class.

-4-

My doc prescribed me a painkiller this week – thank the sweet Jesus. I asked Lee to take it in to CVS so I could get some chores around the house accomplished. He dropped in off and went to the gym. When he came back home, I read the label --- Atenlolol. That’s weird, I thought. I thought that was a heart medicine.

I looked at the name: Friend, Valrie

Maybe they put it in the system wrong…

Dr. Phiscle

Who’s that?... Wait a minute … I don’t live on Appaloosa Court…

Stupid pharmacist gave Lee someone else’s prescription.

1) I’m glad I read the script – ‘cause I normally don’t. But you can bet your sweet marbles I always will now.

2) Had I not read it, would I be dead as I already take another heart medication?

3) Would Lee have gotten a large settlement?

-5-

To the family:

We’re headed home for Thanksgiving!

Nothing Motivates a Man Like Money

For a sometime, Lee has been kind of half way trying to shed a few extra pounds.

On September 2^nd, Lee’s co-workers began a pool for a weight loss competition.

Feeling a little large lately? Never Fear! It is time for another weight loss competition.

The Rules:

Twenty dollars gets you in

Final Weigh In will be on October 30^th

Winnings are split between the most pounds off and the highest percentage lost.

Official scale is down here on the first floor behind Everest.

Anyone can join at any time, so spread this offer around

Lee was unaware of the pool until two weeks into it. But never-the-less, he decided to give it a go. As his wife, I can honestly say he was totally committed from the start (for the time he was with me anyway!). He was devoted to his workouts and kept to his diet – even on his BIRTHDAY! He lost 22.5lbs in 6 weeks, and he won buy ½ a pound!

Upset of the season! Lee just weighed in and came in at 187.5. His starting weight was 210, which means he lost 22.5 pounds! His percentage was 10.71% which even beats Toms at 10.26%

I'm so proud of my man!

The Great Pumpkin Race

Nothing gets my boys revved up for Halloween faster than a pumpkin carving race. It’s their time to be goofballs, gorge on popcorn, and strut their talents for on another like roosters in a cock fight. The news papers come out, the carving tools are dusted off, and Lee vanishes… no doubt because he’ll most likely get in trouble for not doing it right, but once those pumpkin lids come off, the race in on to see who can claim first prize.

No matter how you cut it, pumpkin gutting is by far the most aggravating part of the procedure. Isaiah “can’t stand the tentacles – they just won’t come off!” And as if that wasn’t funny enough, “tentacles” mistakenly turn into “testicles” and it was just too hilarious for Colby and I to hold it together long enough to correct Isaiah’s mistake.

Because we’re geniuses, we outsmarted the market, kicked the crazy intricate patterns to the curb and designed a few of our own. The joke, however, was on us as it took us forever to get our pictures drawn on paper – much less transferred to pumpkins.

Let me just make a pit-stop here and say when you’re old, transferring is a painful process…when you’re outside in the cold…and it gets dark. Your hands block the meager glow of the flashlight, your knuckles seize up and lock into place from your death grip on your poker, and your back and neck ache from slumping over trying to eyeball just what in the world you’re doin’. Yet, you trudge on ‘cause you “just have a little bit more”. But once you’re finished transferring, you’re golden! Or so you think.

Nothing matches the joy of finally having your design on your pumpkin… except for carving it out! Just as painful as transferring – because your fingers are permanently cramped into place – only you get the satisfaction of actually getting to stab your frustrations out on something. I use the term “stab” loosely since those little carvers are about the size of toothpicks.

This year’s winner was yours truly.

…followed by Monkey who came in only 5 minutes or so behind me.

Colby came in a distant third – like way distant – like an hour. ‘Cause his eyes were giving him trouble – bwahahahahaha!

So Long Randy

Ever since we moved to Atlanta in August of 2000, we have visited this make shift pumpkin patch on the side of the road. It started out with just some pumpkins and a huge pumpkin shaped air-jumper. I think maybe they even had boiled peanuts back then. We’d get bundled up, head out, pick out a pumpkin, and let the kids bounce away for a $1.00 a head.

Oct 2009

In the early years, we never thought to bring a camera; but the more I got into scrapping, the less likely it was my camera wasn’t with me, so the kids learned too well how to strike a pose. This has become one of my favorite shots – even though the kids somehow managed to choose a different head this year. They swapped up on me without me realizing it, but Lee’s always chosen Frankenstein. Appropriate, don’t ya think?

Pony rides, a blow up haunted house, and a rabbit petting corral were peppered in slowly. I could never understand what rabbits had to do with Halloween or autumn, but somebody apparently thought it was a good idea. It just made me feel sorry for the poor bunnies being chased down by unsupervised toddlers with a crazed look in their eye.

The put-your-head-in-the-hole doohas have also multiplied exponentially; perhaps they took cues from the rabbits. Yes, I’m aware the doohas probably have a legitimate name and that doohas isn’t a valid word; never-the-less, this dooha was a new addition this year and I thought it was photo worthy.

Face painting and Halloween props wormed their way in just a few years back. Every now and then a super cool prop appears. I wanted to take this one back home with us, but there just wasn’t enough room in the car for him.

This year’s new addition was the funnel cake shack. That’s so right up our alley, it’s like Randy could read our minds. Had I not just gorged myself on fried chicken fingers and onion petals from Folks just 30 minutes prior, I would have indulged. But even I have my grease limits.

Over the years Randy’s gotten too big for his britches, just like my boys. I really wish I had a picture of the first time we visited to compare – perhaps I can find one in my undeveloped film one day.

With the cost of his pumpkins, I’m not sure why we committed to Randy for so many years. The pumpkin jumper drew us in and tradition kept us coming back. But pumpkin jumper coolness aside – I think I was insane to pay these prices.

Gone are the days when the kids want to go through the tiny haunted house to be scared. They no longer want to jump in the super gigantic pumpkin on the side of the road. No face painting or rabbit petting. No – anything.

So this year, we lay a family tradition to rest. So long Randy, it’s been nice knowing ya.

Monkey Turns 12

It’s hard to believe 12 years ago I was in labor for the better part of 3 months; seems like it was just yesterday – that’s a pain one doesn’t forget easily. Hospital stay after hospital stay, my OB finally gave up, decided to show some mercy, and let this stubborn kid come a month early. So my November baby became an October baby – right smack in the middle of his mom and dads birthdays.

This year we kept the celebration tiny – just the family.

Izzy spent the morning watching Jeff Dunham:

Snatching bacon when he thought I wasn't looking:

Had his requested breakfast of bacon andFrench toast:

Was surprised by Grandma Barbara & Paw Paw Joe coming up and taking him to lunch –he chose Chick-Fil-A:

Got all the cards in the mail (on time!) from his out of town grands and great-grands:

Got the Fedora he’s wanted since summer:

Got the supplies he’s wanted for his comic drawings:

Got the latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid – one of his favorite book series:

Shared his Peanut Butter Cake (that he wouldn’t let me even put sprinkles on) w/ Jack (who’s technically 3 ½ now):

And spent the rest of the day playing a video game he rented.

He spent the evening gorging on Sesame Beef and popcorn while we watched the Addams Family and trying out a new look:

As I look back over his life, I don’t think we had a clue just how obstinate this kid was going to be. Determined, persistent, pigheaded – kinda like his parents; once he’s set his mind to something, you can’t change it. No amount of time, explanation, reasoning, or money will sway him. Who could ever forget the Bible Man incident, him wanting a dog, or trying to kiss a girl?

This year he’s 12, and attitude and hormones are flying like bullets at the OK corral. As I reflect, I become increasingly aware that we should dig in our heels and brace ourselves. ‘Cause kid #1 is going to pale under kid #2 – that’s if he lives long enough for us to see it.